she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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