No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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