i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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