Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
