"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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