tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
