Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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