I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
