So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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