yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
