Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
