I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
