I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
