Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
