I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
