you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
