we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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