I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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