6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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