shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
