I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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