when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
