I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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