Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
