Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
