Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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