saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
