so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
