Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
