This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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