youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
