i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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