Having a random hookup so left but love u
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
