Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
