I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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