Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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