why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
