I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
