Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
