Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
