How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
