You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
