Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Drake has all the answers
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
