apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
