walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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