my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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