I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
