we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
