you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
