Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
